Lately, I’ve been questioning my motivation. It feels like I have no reason to continue everything I’ve been working on.
Why?
I’m not sure. I always feel sleepy. I couldn’t concentrate on my work, and my study, even though I was having my semester final exam. It was also the reason why I didn’t post anything on this blog for a while.
Coincidentally, just when I find myself at the lowest, something comes back to me. Do you know what it is?
Listening to Eminem’s music.
I remember the first time I found out about his music. It was 6 years ago, Not Afraid.
I was immediately drawn to his lyrics and flows. At that time I didn’t know rap or hip hop, but I think he was speaking some emotional, inspiring thing that a student - in a teenage year like me - really needs.
You know, when you were 14 - 15, you started to grow older, and have your thoughts about life. You have some weird illusion about yourself and think that no one can understand you. My mom calls that age “the stupidest time in a human’s life.”
I didn’t have many friends back then. My day would only be like this: wake up, go to school, study, go home, games, sleep, and so on. Meanwhile, kids my age would hang out with each other all the time, eat out, go to the movies, etc. Basically I was a nerd, so my friends don’t want to play with me. You need to be “cool” to play with many people at secondary school, you know?
However, everything’s changed.
Yeah
It’s been a ride
I guess I had to go to that place
To get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you’re tryna get out
Just follow me
I’ll get you there
Those are the beginning lines of Not Afraid. Goosebumps, huh?
His music has taught me so many things in life. I’ve learned to build trust in myself, overcome my shyness, always stand tall, and not give up. The day I took my high school entrance exam, I listened to Lose Yourself right before I entered the room.
Music can make a different impact on each person. Although his music was controversial, I find it relatable and use his lyrics as my energy whenever I’m down for mood.
When I got into college, I listened to his music less. Partially because I got busier, but also because I got attracted to many other things. Trust me, when you’re in your 20s, it’s hard not to be attracted to some crazy things youth this age can do. Here are a few examples: spending money on unhealthy food, trips, clothes, etc. Of course not everything’s bad, but when people started to look at you differently, you have more things to concern.
Hence my GPA dropped. It’s not that bad, but it’s not what I expected at the beginning of this semester. I know I can achieve more, but I was so lazy and eventually got what I deserved.
Above is my video that I make subtitles for one of Eminem’s songs. I don’t know why I even made it but thank God, I feel like that same old energy was coming back to me. Just like 6 years ago.
The Eminem spirit - not giving up, not giving a fuck about shit, only focus on what matters to you the most.
It’s a long-lost spirit. Hope it’ll stay for a while.